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Did you know that listening is one of the hardest skills to master? It’s true. Most people find it challenging, because they are so used to talking and assuming they already know what the other person is saying. But what happens when we listen more carefully? We begin to understand why people struggle with listening!Fortunately, there are various techniques you can use to become a better listener. If you feel your relationships suffer from lack of communication, read on and discover how to become a better listener.
Ask questions
If you’re struggling to follow what your conversation partner is saying, try asking a question. This might sound obvious, but it’s surprising how many people don’t do it. You can ask for clarification, or ask for an example. One example is when someone talks about their work and you understand the general concept, but don’t have any specific examples of their work. By asking for examples, you can not only clarify the conversation, but also follow the conversation much more easily.
Watch body language
If you’re able to read your conversation partner’s body language, you can follow the conversation far more easily. For example, if they cross their arms, they’re likely feeling defensive. If they uncross their arms and smile, they are likely feeling more open and receptive. Note their facial expressions, as well as how they are standing. You can also look out for other signs of body language, like head nods, to indicate they agree with what you’re saying. If they shake their head, they likely disagree. When you start to observe body language, you’ll notice that it’s very revealing. What’s more, you’ll find that it’s useful for almost any type of conversation.
Summarize what you’ve heard
You can summarize what you’ve heard at any point in the conversation to check if you’ve understood correctly. You can also summarize at the end of the conversation to make sure you’re on the same page. This is particularly useful when the conversation is about a sensitive topic, like a difficult work situation. By summarizing what you’ve heard, you avoid the conversation becoming heated. You can also use this when you have a difficult conversation with a friend or loved one. It can help make the conversation flow more smoothly, and it also ensures you’re both on the same page. You can use the word “so” to begin a summary. For example, say “So, you’re saying that you’re struggling to make ends meet, and you’re not sure how you can manage?” By doing this, you confirm that you’ve heard correctly.
Stop doing this
Before you can learn to be a better listener, you need to know what not to do. Here are some common mistakes to avoid:- Don’t interrupt: You’ll feel like you have something to say, and you’re so eager to say it that you interrupt the conversation. You have to learn to be patient and wait for the right time to speak.- Don’t assume you know what the other person is saying: You might have a preconceived notion about what they’re saying, only to find out you’re completely wrong. Be open to the fact that you might be wrong, and you should check-in with the person to ask if what you heard is correct.- Don’t think about what to say next: You might be so busy thinking about what you want to say next that you’re not listening to what the other person is saying.- Don’t let other distractions take your attention away: If you’re doing something else while listening to someone, you’re not listening. Put your phone on silent and put it out of reach, and close any other programs that might distract you.
Use a listening tool
You can use a listening tool to actively listen to what the other person is saying. There are lots of listening tools that you can use when you’re speaking to someone, as well as when you’re listening to someone. There are many listening tools that you can use, and some of the most popular ones are: – Active listening: You repeat what the other person has said back to them, so that they know you’ve understood correctly. This can be done by saying, “So what I’m hearing is that you’re struggling to cope with the workload.”- Reflective listening: You repeat what the other person has said back to them, and then follow that up with your own thoughts. For example, “It sounds like you’re struggling to cope with the workload.” “Yeah, I’m finding it stressful, too.”- Mirroring: You match the other person’s body language to show that you’re actively listening and you’re connected. For example, if the other person opens their stance, you can do the same.
Take action, and don’t just listen
You might listen to the other person, but you’re not taking any action. If the other person tells you about a problem they’re facing, and you just listen, you aren’t doing anything to help.There are various ways you can take action when listening to someone: – Offer solutions: If the other person tells you about a problem they’re facing, offer solutions to help them solve the problem.- Ask questions: If the other person is telling you about a problem they’re facing, ask questions to understand the problem more fully.- Make suggestions: If the other person tells you about a problem they’re facing, you can offer suggestions on how they can solve the problem.- Help the other person discover their own solutions: If the other person tells you about a problem they’re facing, help them discover their own solutions.
Conclusion
When you know how to listen more, you can have deeper and more meaningful conversations with people. You can help solve problems, solve issues, and discover new solutions in your relationships. The best way to improve your listening skills is to practice by listening to conversations and focusing on the other person. You can also use listening tools like the ones listed above.
